Monday, January 24, 2005
You Do What You Need To Do
I really don't get people who don't do what they need to do to get something done. That statement is pretty vague, isn't it? Yup. Lemme explain.
I know three women from various associations.
1. A 50-year-old single mother; divorced twice; has three grown kids, one teen out of wedlock, and two kids from the second marriage; she works about 30 hours a week; goes to college part time; lives in an apartment she can't afford; and one of her adult children lives with her to provide support; she is the mom of the other two as well.
2. A 28-year-old single mother; has two kids from the same father; has never married; boyfriend (& father of kids) is serving 7 years for armed robbery while he was high on meth; works part-time; also lives in an apartment she can't afford; doesn't have a car.
3. a 23-year-old single woman; works full-time; was diagnosed with Rhuemetoid Arthritis when she was 4; lives in an apartment with her boyfried she can't afford; works full time; boyfriend has his own medical and mental health issues
So what's common with these three women?
a) None of them have a positive attitude; they all expect bad things to happen to them.
b) None of them know how to manage money. The first mom only works about 30 hours, and make some attempts to get a better paying job but isn't consistent about it. The second mom doesn't have a high school diploma or GED; has trouble even working part-time, and relies on her mom and siblings to watch her kids. The third one works full-time, but doesn't work overtime offered to bring in more money.
c) None of them manage time well. They all feel like they don't have enough time in the day. Yet, they all seem to find time to play games on a computer or watch TV.
d) All of them have had a difficult life.
e) All of them say they need to do more. But none of them make the effort to do more.
f) None of them have a sense of confidence or self-resilience.
This is what I don't understand. Wasn't it Einstein who said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results? When I am not happy with something in my life, I change what needs to be changed. Why can't I seem to help these women understand that concept?
I believe that when someone is struggling, they reach a breaking point. That is, they realize they are not happy with their life, and then make a decision: I am not happy with my life and I need to make a change, or I'm frustrated and I give up. I'm not sure if any of these women have reached that point yet. And that concerns me. They have gone through so much - so many things that would have taken me to the breaking point some time ago - that I don't understand how much more misery they can live in before they make a change.
You see, I donate quite a bit of my net income to charitable organizations. I also volunteer for a couple of organizations. If you can't tell yet, I'm a little depressed. I am motivated by seeing the results of my efforts. I enjoy giving my love, effort, time and money to helping others. But my resources aren't unlimited. I can only give so much love, effort, time and money before I need to ask that all-important question: Am I doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? I've been working with these three women for almost 2 years now to help them improve their lives ,to help them become self-sufficient, and I haven't seen significant improvement over the last few months. It bothers me. I want to see positive results, and I'm not. I know that I am not the solution to their problems; they are. But yet, I can't quite seem to get them to understand that they are in control of their future. The choices we make today dictate what the future holds for us.
Why are these three women so afraid to make a change? Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of sucess? I dunno. Sure, all decisions have some risk. Some results are good; some are not. I understand that if I am rejected or I fail, that is one less rejection or failure I'll have to face in the future. Why can't I help these three ladies understand this concept? Something only changes to benefit you if you make the change happen.
Isn't this pathetic? I'm depressed because I've been trying to help these three ladies and I'm not seeing the results of my efforts. I'm so frustrated that I've actually thought about terminating my relationship with these three ladies and letting the pro's do it with the money in donate. I know that I'll miss the personal contact, and am sure that I will do it again in the future, but right now I am drained. I need to stop and anaylze my priorities. Look at this. Here I am concerned about three people who are so much worse off than me, but I am talking about myself. How pathetic!
I know three women from various associations.
1. A 50-year-old single mother; divorced twice; has three grown kids, one teen out of wedlock, and two kids from the second marriage; she works about 30 hours a week; goes to college part time; lives in an apartment she can't afford; and one of her adult children lives with her to provide support; she is the mom of the other two as well.
2. A 28-year-old single mother; has two kids from the same father; has never married; boyfriend (& father of kids) is serving 7 years for armed robbery while he was high on meth; works part-time; also lives in an apartment she can't afford; doesn't have a car.
3. a 23-year-old single woman; works full-time; was diagnosed with Rhuemetoid Arthritis when she was 4; lives in an apartment with her boyfried she can't afford; works full time; boyfriend has his own medical and mental health issues
So what's common with these three women?
a) None of them have a positive attitude; they all expect bad things to happen to them.
b) None of them know how to manage money. The first mom only works about 30 hours, and make some attempts to get a better paying job but isn't consistent about it. The second mom doesn't have a high school diploma or GED; has trouble even working part-time, and relies on her mom and siblings to watch her kids. The third one works full-time, but doesn't work overtime offered to bring in more money.
c) None of them manage time well. They all feel like they don't have enough time in the day. Yet, they all seem to find time to play games on a computer or watch TV.
d) All of them have had a difficult life.
e) All of them say they need to do more. But none of them make the effort to do more.
f) None of them have a sense of confidence or self-resilience.
This is what I don't understand. Wasn't it Einstein who said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results? When I am not happy with something in my life, I change what needs to be changed. Why can't I seem to help these women understand that concept?
I believe that when someone is struggling, they reach a breaking point. That is, they realize they are not happy with their life, and then make a decision: I am not happy with my life and I need to make a change, or I'm frustrated and I give up. I'm not sure if any of these women have reached that point yet. And that concerns me. They have gone through so much - so many things that would have taken me to the breaking point some time ago - that I don't understand how much more misery they can live in before they make a change.
You see, I donate quite a bit of my net income to charitable organizations. I also volunteer for a couple of organizations. If you can't tell yet, I'm a little depressed. I am motivated by seeing the results of my efforts. I enjoy giving my love, effort, time and money to helping others. But my resources aren't unlimited. I can only give so much love, effort, time and money before I need to ask that all-important question: Am I doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? I've been working with these three women for almost 2 years now to help them improve their lives ,to help them become self-sufficient, and I haven't seen significant improvement over the last few months. It bothers me. I want to see positive results, and I'm not. I know that I am not the solution to their problems; they are. But yet, I can't quite seem to get them to understand that they are in control of their future. The choices we make today dictate what the future holds for us.
Why are these three women so afraid to make a change? Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of sucess? I dunno. Sure, all decisions have some risk. Some results are good; some are not. I understand that if I am rejected or I fail, that is one less rejection or failure I'll have to face in the future. Why can't I help these three ladies understand this concept? Something only changes to benefit you if you make the change happen.
Isn't this pathetic? I'm depressed because I've been trying to help these three ladies and I'm not seeing the results of my efforts. I'm so frustrated that I've actually thought about terminating my relationship with these three ladies and letting the pro's do it with the money in donate. I know that I'll miss the personal contact, and am sure that I will do it again in the future, but right now I am drained. I need to stop and anaylze my priorities. Look at this. Here I am concerned about three people who are so much worse off than me, but I am talking about myself. How pathetic!
Kicknit 1/24/2005